This afternoon, I had an eye doctor appointment. After taking April to have her eyes checked, I realized it had been a very long time since I had taken care of mine. The eye doctors I had been to before had changed their private practices to the optical centers at my least favorite retailer…you know…the one that rhymes with Wall-Fart.
It seems like every time I go there, it’s been at the end of a trying day, when my patience and goodwill toward mankind are at their lowest ebb. Today was no exception. I was not feeling well and was exhausted. And I had to pee.
With a few minutes to spare before the appointment was to begin, I walked into the front door of the store, past a surly and NOT GREETING ANYONE greeter. I headed straight past the optical department to the restrooms, noticing with disgust as I walked in that there was a diaper vending machine but no tampax machine. I was alone, fortunately, because out of the two stalls, one had an “Out of Order” sign taped to its door. The other, the handicap stall, was filthy.
I didn’t really have a choice–I had to go. I used two of the paper toilet seat covers and when I was done, I could feel grit and grime crackling beneath the soles of my sandals. I heard shuffling and splashing outside the door and when I opened it, I was appalled to see that the custodian, a MALE custodian, was standing there, UNANNOUNCED, changing the trash can liner. Stepping forward, I saw three other people who must have entered the bathroom while I was in the one functioning stall. They had their backs to me.
Peeing in the urinals lining the wall.
Yes, boys and girls…..I had walked straight into a Wall-Fart MEN’S ROOM and hung my purse in a stall, peed, and then walked out. I walked straight past everyone there, looking ahead and not making eye contact. I sped around the corner and out the front door of the building, running to a sheltered spot by a bench to call a friend at the office.
She laughed and laughed and laughed at me. I was so mortified–mainly because I still had to go back into the building for my eye doctor appointment.
When Dr. Williams asked how my vision had been since my last visit, all I could say, in a strangled voice, was that I was pretty sure my eyesight was getting worse.