There’s a stalker living in my house and she’s a six year old girl.
She follows me everywhere. She sneaks up on me and puts her arms around my waist. She combs her hair to look just like mine. She is growing out her fingernails to be long like mommy’s. She draws pictures of me and hangs them on the wall in her bedroom. I’m pretty sure that if she knew how to use a phone and knew my phone number, I’d have 45 calls a day from her, professing her love, wanting to tell me something (“I can draw a pie!” or “I have a tiny bug bite on my leg,” or “I saw some cheetos in the snack drawer and they looked really yummy.”)
Oh yes, it’s so cute. And yet, some days I feel as though I would like to take out a restraining order. Please do not go within 150 feet of your mother. Please refrain from addressing her in any way. Please do not attempt to talk to or physically touch her in any way.
She’s like a cat. She senses the exact moment when I least want any human contact and is all over me like white on rice.
Please tell me I’m not the worst mother in the world for occasionally wondering when in the world it became the sole responsibility of parents to be the only source of entertainment and stimulation for children. I know she is an only child, but this is ridiculous. When I was a kid, my mother didn’t play catch with me. I stood in the yard this evening, feeling faintly silly and awkward, tossing a rubber ball back and forth with Rabbit, all the while thinking why can’t she just read a book? *
I do not begrudge my daughter attention. I just don’t think there’s anything wrong with allowing a child to be on her own occasionally. The constant clamoring for attention is simultaneously guilt-inducing and infuriating.
Help? Advice? Hello?
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*Why yes, I did already take Midol today! Twice. How did you guess?
Arrange for play dates with other children. Take her to the local pool for swim lessons (this will wear her out physically). Take her on a girl date to the fast food place of her choice and ask another child to go along, is there a pottery place for children to make pottery? Take her to the local SPCA to visit the animals (my grandchildren LOVE this) Let her grow her own flower garden and teach her to tend it… this will also get her outside. OR, plant a garden together! Tons of things to do… and yes, this is they way it is when you have an only child who is smart.
Only 6 or 7 more years of it and then she hits her teens and won’t want you around, in fact she will pretend she does not even know you… LOL
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
Some of my kids monitored me closely. It was exhausting.
Sorry I don’t have any advice. I do think it is okay for you to insist on alone time, but I don’t know how it will work.
Mary, I so know this. It is a phase, and next thing you know she will want nothing to do with you, but then she will want you back. I am like you and feel like a bad oarent when I don’t want my kids near me all the time. I’m coming up on a long weekend with them…
Mary, I am right there with you. I find a lot of sanity in the materials (books and newspaper columns) by John Rosemond. http://www.rosemond.com
A lot of people don’t like him, largely because (in my opinion) he says what people know to be true but don’t want to hear.
You MUST read this article. I have shared it with other mom friends, too. It’s fantastic, and a great built-buster.
Make that a great GUILT-buster. Not sure what a built-buster would be…
Mary, she’ll continue to go through phases of wanting/needing a lot of attention, then trying out more independence for a while. The nice thing about the “stages” of childhood is that they change pretty quickly!
Hang in there.
xxxooo
Perhaps she needs some Aunt Grandma and Uncle Opa time.
Or maybe you can have her help you clean the bathroom or dust. That should either drive her out of the house or teach her that Mom isn’t that fascinating after all (even though WE think you are).
I know exactly what you are talking about. Now try it with a boy. How many times could I play Power Ranger, build Legos, sword fight etc. It wears thin after a while. I would agree that playdates are a wonderful thing as is time with other family members.
I imagine it is pretty exhausting, but it is still cute…
I had the same experience with my daughter who is not an only child, but only has a big brother, who I guess is no fun to play with! Now she is 14 and still very attached to me.
At an early age I told her about personal space and how sometimes she needed to step back for a little while so I could recharge. I still have to tell her that sometimes.
Soon she’ll be off on her own so I try really hard to enjoy every second with her… I know it’s not always possible, but all we can do is our best.
Oh, Mary, I am so with you. Cheers (downs a midol)!
How about this: my daughter, who sounds like a clone of Rabbit, is now the exact height that when she comes in for a kiss and hug is practically breastfeeding. Hello! Ouch! Back away!
I know this place too …
I told one of mine the other day to Go.Away. I felt horrible afterwards, but seriously.
I don’t know what to tell you either except to try setting a timer? Give her a “something to do” and tell her the timer is getting set for 30 minutes and when it dings, she can resume her normally scheduled programming of clinging to her mother, that she loves and admires oh so much!
I remember the days of ‘community potty time’. LOL I know it’s difficult right now but ….enjoy. Pretty soon she will be off and wandering and you’ll be begging her to stay home for a while.