Last night I went to bed at 8:15 and fell asleep almost immediately. I woke up at 4:15 a.m. and drifted back to sleep for two more hours. Obviously, I was run down and exhausted or I would not have fallen asleep so early or slept for ten hours.
It was bliss.
My father is feuding with his younger brother, although at 84 and 83, I don’t think the difference of a year is significant enough to designate which is older or younger. But then again, in a sibling situation, birth order still reigns. My uncle apparently said something to my father about the vehicle my dad drives being an embarrassment, and my dad is all bent out of shape about it.
My husband seems to think that it’s likely my uncle said something more to the effect that it’s disgraceful that at his age, my dad won’t buy something a little more comfortable for my mother to travel in, or that they don’t have to sleep in the van when they travel, or some other eminently reasonable observation we’ve all thought but never said to my father’s face. It’s possible that my uncle, cranky from his bad heart and recent surgeries, is facing down the barrel of his mortality and realizing that my father’s time is also limited, and doesn’t give a tinker’s damn if it pisses my dad off, he’s just going to say what’s on his mind.
And then of course, I heard about it and sat with it for a few days before saying anything to my husband, who predictably told me exactly what I should do, which was don’t worry about it, you can’t control it, you always borrow problems, just worry about the things you can do something about.
And I got all pissed off at PC, because I wasn’t fishing for a solution, I just wanted to talk about it out loud, like having a therapist or a loyal dog, but both of those cost money, so I talk to my husband because, you know, occasionally they’re called upon to be the repositories of our family angst. I don’t worry, it’s not that, I’ve known about this tiff for several days, I’m just saying it makes me sad…
And of course, he says don’t be sad about it, just let them take care of it themselves.
But I don’t want to just let them take care of it. I want to dissect it and wonder aloud how these two old farts came to this impasse, and worry over how this might extend to the relationships I have with my siblings, and is my uncle really talking about the van, or is he talking about something deeper, and how is my mom processing all of this, and on and on and on.
Because that’s how I roll. I’m a woman. We OVERTHINK things. We PROCESS THINGS. It’s not gossip. It’s family therapy. It’s not obsessive: it’s proactive. So when the next family feud happens, we can recall this one, and say Oh yes, he does that. What he’s really saying is…blah blah blah blah…
Crap. No wonder I’m so exhausted.
I’m laughing because I just spent a half an hour walking with my husband analyzing another situation. I have him trained well. He just said stuff like, “uh huh” the whole time.
We do not have control over our dad and uncle. Thank God. That’s a squabble going on since Uncle was drafted into WWII and our father was not due to health reasons.
Jealousy knows no age limits…I think they are both jealous of each other; one because the other has lead a somewhat normal (read lucretive and productive) life; the other because his offspring aren’t as imaginative and intelligent as the other’s.
But it still pisses me off.
Yep.
I get it, Mary. I’ve given up talking to Mike about things, unless I actually NEED and WANT advice. For most discussions, I’ll go to my sisters, my mom, or my friends. Women want to talk with you, not to tell you to get over it.
no doubt!
Turning 50 was a joy. By this time in life I was too tired to over-think anything. But you are right about men, they just don’t enjoy discussing the trivial things in life and don’t want to hear about it. They’re just not as much fun as girls are they?
You’ll find that as you age that heart attacks, cancer, strokes and knee replacement surgery conversations take center stage and who is pissed off at who just doesn’t matter one hoot. At least for we women… I guess for men it will always be about what kind of car you drive. They never grow up. *giggles*
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
Touche!
Over analyzing ultimately gets you nowhere in the end. Your efforts to know and understand what your uncle actually said, what he meant by it, your mother and father’s feelings about it, your cousins possible reactions to the fall out between your father and your uncle – regardless of how much you turn it all over in your mind, it won’t change things. Even if you could determine the one true intent and acceptable response, you cannot fix things. It is not worth your angst; it doesn’t pay off. This upset will blow over; rest assured something else will take it’s place. I say leave it to those involved, enjoy what you have and thank the good Lord for the blessings in your life, like PC and rabbitt. Things will play out the way they’re meant to.
One other thing, although I don’t really know you I want you to know how much I enjoy reading your blog. I thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Boy do you have that right! We just want a sounding board, not a “problem solver” or “problem denier”. Personally, I bought a dog, a big one that loves to walk. Now the neighbors may think I’m crazy, but Taite and I discuss lots of things on our walk. He rubs against me when needed, and just keeps walking and keeps still the rest of the time. Yea, you do have to feed them, but I’ve yet to hear him say, “this again”. Taite doesn’t earn as much money as Frank, but he’s quieter and a much better listener. Doesn’t want control of the remote either!