Non-Renewable Resource

I’m just too sad to write much of anything.  My heart feels like it’s full of lead.

My dad’s tumor is cancerous, but the surgeon has said he is too frail for surgery right now.  They admitted him to the hospital to try getting him some nutrition and to build up his strength, but he is extremely weak and starved because the tumor has prevented him from getting food into his system.

He would not survive surgery if they did it this week.  They don’t know if they’ll be able to do it next week either.  They’re just going to focus on getting some weight back on him.  The doctor was very blunt, and my dad (in my brother’s words) stared down the barrel of mortality today and it scared the hell out of him.

Please, those of you who believe, please pray for my dad.  Everyone else, send up good thoughts and white light and positive vibes.  And no matter what way you process the universe, I urge you to make peace with your families and let old hurts and bitterness go. 

Believe me, things change fast and nobody is immune.  You may think there will be plenty of time to deal with family stuff later, after you lose that last ten pounds, get some therapy, grow out your hair, remodel your kitchen or deal with whatever passes for priorities these days. 

But all of that, even the therapy, is a luxury.  Time is non-renewable.  Love is for right now.  Forgiveness is for right now.  Blame and responsibility and accountability matter less than time.   And time is running out. 

For all of us.

18 comments on “Non-Renewable Resource

  1. I have no words, Mary. My heart is full. I am sending all the healing prayers I can muster northward, and hugging you in my heart.

  2. We were in the same place several months ago, with my husband’s mother. It’s true that any disagreements or differences in outlook don’t matter at moments like this. I’m so sorry for what your whole family is going through.

  3. I’m glad last week when I talked to Dad I told him I loved him before I hung up. I don’t remember the last time I told him that.

  4. Oh.. I was just wandering around to find some new interesting blogs and this is what I came across. :( I wish you and your dad all the best! I hope I can read some better news when I come over again. Good luck!

  5. Oh! Such unhappy news, Mary. I’m sorry. Go easy on yourself right now, yeah? I mean it. And best heathen hopes of healing for your dad.

  6. I wish December 27th was tomorrow because I would be on the plane to Nebraska. I am happy you and I will be able to see mom and dad soon.

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