I have so much I want to complain about, I just wish I had a forum where I could voice what I feel and think and put to words what is in my heart, even if it’s a bad day and I just want to vent.
What?
Oh yeah, that’s right. I have a forum. It’s called a BLOG.
I’ve had some pressure, probably well-meaning, from family members who don’t want me posting details about my father’s health on the blog. I’ve tried to respect that and only write about his illness as it relates me personally.
But holy Jesus, it’s CANCER. How does the fact that my dad has cancer not relate to me personally?
EFF YOU, CANCER. Eff you and the fact that you stole my brother-in-law away earlier this year, just three weeks after his diagnosis.
Eff you for attacking one of my sisters this summer. But she kicked your ass with radioactive iodine and survived with a huge scar on her neck and a brand new Camaro from her husband. She showed you who was in charge.
But you weren’t done, were you, you gluttonous bastard? No, you had to come after my dad. You decided you needed to humble him, and you tore 40 pounds off his frame, month by month, and then grew into an insidious choking tumor in his intestines. You scared my 80-year-old mother witless, and mowed down this tough old German accordion player like a blade of grass.
How dare you? How dare you sneak up on an 84-year-old father of twelve during the holidays and steal him away from his fragile wife, robbing him of his dignity and his independence?
You disgust me. I hate you more than I have ever hated anything. You stole my grandmother after growing in her brain when I was just a little girl. You stole my husband’s aunt, my dear friend’s husband, a thirteen-year-old girl I used to care for, and dozens of other friends, relatives and acquaintances.
But this…this is so personal and so close to home. I used to ask “when is enough enough? How much can one family take?” But you know, don’t you? The answer is that it’s never enough, right? You don’t plan on stopping. If they don’t fight back, you consume them.
And in the process, you try to destroy the ones who love them, to tear away any joy or hope we might have, to infect us with dark thoughts and sadness. Well, I may not be able to stop what you’re doing to my father, but you won’t take my heart or my mind or my hope or joy.
Eff you, cancer. It’s on.
Cancer sucks. So sorry, Mary.
i woulda asked for a Porsche.
a Camaro is for a C-section…
seriously, has the national enquirer been stalking family members, begging for updates and medical records?
i haven’t the slightest idea who your dad is, and i am not going to brave snowstorms to get a picture of his insides, or his outsides, or his backside.
would they rather you turn to drink? writing is a release, a healthy one…
yes, EF cancer.
You know from my e-mail how I feel about ‘C’. There is nothing you can do, Mary, but be supportive to both of your parents and take care of your own emotions. This disease takes it’s toll on the entire family when it comes to their emotions.
Be brave, but also cry and kick and scream if you need to.
Thinking of you.
Di
Eff cancer, indeed.
I’m so sorry, Mary.
Cancer’s a beast. A hungry, hungry beast. Sometimes it all just really sucks. I’m thinking about you, Mary, and your family. This is such a hard place to be. Try to be gentle with yourself.
My thought exactly, Mary. Cancer is the devil. It took our dear cousin Jane away from us, my friend Nancy, my Grandpa Vic, and countless others. I hate it.
I am at loss for words……
I’m so sorry, Mary.
Cancer is an evil bastard that needs to be put down.
My God, Mary, that is a masterful piece of writing.
You know how I feel about what you’re going through and how sorry I am. I’m glad that you’re going to kick cancer in right in the balls. And when it’s able to stand up, you’re going to kick it again. However many times it takes. I’m right there with you.
Mary, there really are no words to comfort you. Know that I am praying for all of you and if you would like someone to cry with, I am here for you.
Mary, I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through. And I want to add my “FU cancer for taking my 27 year old nephew last March”. If you can’t write about what’s going on in your life why have a blog? I look forward to your writting everyday. My Aunt and Grandfather both had colon cancer. One won and one didn’t.
EFF Cancer is right. EF it for taking away my best buddy’s wife. EFF it for taking away the children of dear friends, children who never had a chance to reach for their own stars. EFF it for taking the parents of no less than 5 of my 14 year-old’s classmates parent over the last two years. EFF it for taking away my reproductive organs, and EFF it for what it is doing to your father and your family. Stay angry. Don’t let it win.
I love you -
Every time my phone rings, my hands start to shake and I’m afraid to answer it because of what news I might hear. I sleep with my cell phone right next to the bed in case I get a call in the middle of the night. It takes me forever to actually fall asleep because of stress and anxiety and guilt for not being there RIGHT NOW.
Every time you call me I wait to hear what your first words will be, whether or not your voice is calm.
Cancer sucks and that is an understatement. I don’t know if I’ll ever learn to cope with what is happening right now. I hope I will, but each day I have my doubts.
I love you Mary and can’t wait to be in Nebraska in about 2 1/2 weeks.
Cancer is indeed a bastard. You’ve put into words exactly what many people feel when Cancer shows up. Stay mad for a while. It will keep you going and keep you strong.
I agree wholeheartedly cancer is evil incarnate…it took my grandparents, my father, my brother and then my husband what next, who next…my family never survives it!!! Thank God some of your family has survived it…I’ll pray for you since that’s about all we can do for each other!!!
Getting the truth out in the open is the best thing to do…talk to other people about how you really feel…keeping it bottled up inside of you does no good…call it what it really is..evil…and don’t give in to calling it abbreviations or catchy phrases!!!
…and thanks for letting me get that off my chest…Please know that I really care that you begin the healing from this asap!!!
I couldn’t agree more. EFF YOU, CANCER!
I know. Believe me…I know!
Mary, you said it for all of us. My Grandmother, Great Grandmother, my Aunt, both my parents, two husbands, all gone, and now my baby sister who is fighting it as I write this. Not to mention so many of my friends that I have lost…I detest the very word!
Yes, you said it for all of us …and them!
Mona
So sorry, Mary. I will email you. I’m praying.
I’m sorry Mary and with you all the way, cancer took my Dad 4 days before Christmas in 2000, it nearly took him 20 years before that. It took my friend, her sister, her brother and her father, her cousin, aunt and uncle.
Eff cancer indeed, as someone said up there we can’t let it win, we must continue to fight.
Sending love and strength to you and your family, especially your Dad xx
I’m so sorry for your family’s losses – cancer is hateful.
My mom died of cancer this summer, and while she and I didn’t have the best relationship, I still felt robbed – and stunned, because cancer’s not our family “thing” – we drop dead of heart attacks, but cancer? – only a couple of instances that anyone can recall.
I’m so, so sorry about your Dad. Eff cancer, indeed.