Stick that fork in me. I’m done.
No, wait. No, I’m not.
Yes I am.
No, hold on. Put the fork away.
For the past few months, I have just felt as though coming up with the desire to post here, to come up with something to say…it’s just been a dull and fruitless enterprise. Today I went back into my old posts, back a year or more, and I enjoyed so much reading through what was there. I could remember enjoying the writing process, remembering what had happened that day, having an opinion about something.
Lately, I don’t care. About much of anything. I mean, I care about things, but not things I feel like writing about. I spend all day handling my life, trying to move forward and get ahead. I get home, and everything irritates me. The fact that my husband still can’t find work. The fact that his projects in the garage are still in process, and that the grill is still out in the back yard, the storm windows not put back on the house, the insulation still not installed under our kitchen.
After dinner every evening, I sit down to write. But the noise in the house drowns out my throughts. Last night, I thought I had poured out my heart on the blog. Today I went back and read through the post and it was a clumsy, maudlin and badly organized piece of work.
Meanwhile, I have a community column article due Tuesday for our local paper, and it is supposed to be on the editorial page. And I don’t have any strong opinions about anything right now.
Tonight, I sat in my chair in the living room after Rabbit had gone to bed. PC was on the sofa, and I said “You know, I don’t think I’ll write a blog post tonight.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because I just don’t feel like it. What do you think will happen?”
“Nothing,” he said, in a voice meant to be encouraging, but which just depressed me.
I thought about it. “Two years, two months and eighteen days without missing a post,” I finally said.
He shrugged. “You don’t feel like doing it, don’t do it.”
I always told myself I wasn’t going to whine about blogging for God’s sake, on this blog. I always felt like it was such a passive-aggressive copout whenever I read about people not wanting to write any more on their blogs. How they’d outgrown it, or how it just didn’t fulfill them any longer.
Truth is, I got used to instant feedback, instant gratification. Hitting “Publish” and then seeing my email pop up with comments. I clipped along on the adrenaline rush and emergency mode of my parents’ situation, and then when things calmed down and I changed my job situation, I felt like there wasn’t anything interesting going on in my life any more.
I just need a breather.
Put that fork away, because I don’t think I’m done. But someone had better turn me, because this side is getting scorched and crispy.
How freaking pathetic.
Mary, Mary, Mary. It’s not all you. I, for one, have had a pretty bad week and just haven’t had time to read and comment on the two blogs I read regularly. Perhaps your other readers are in similar straits. If you’re feeling uninspired, that’s the writer’s plight in life. Inspiration comes and goes. It’s like being bipolar. Seriously. Just keep writing. Even if you only write “hello, I’m fine, goodbye”, at least you’ve put your mark on the world that day. xxxooo
Well, I never like to talk people out of having a goal, am not sure about ‘posting every day’ though. It reminds me of when they give kids a certificate for never having missed a day of high school. Or 20 years on the job with no sick days. It’s meaningful to that person, but not to the universe.
It seems like a burden that grows heavier & heavier with time. But you can never put the burden down because then there’d no longer be a destination to take it to.
You are my favorite writer/blogger and I always look forward to your posts. But who knows, missing a day here & there or taking an extended break might be as therapeutic as posting every day!!
I tried posting every day for 1 month and was so burnt out I haven’t posted anything since. But as a reader of your blog, I would definitely miss it. =)
I, too, would miss your daily postings should you decide to take a break. Whatever you decide, I’ll keep checking on you.
Mary. Why not take a photo a day and post it. Even if it’s a mundane photo… at least it says something about your day. Just a thought. A tree, flower, meal, shoes, Rabbit, cat… anything. And if you don’t do it every day then so what! This is not a contest. Blogging is supposed to be a hobby or something enjoyable. Not every post has to be meaningful. Mine certainly aren’t!!!
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
Actually, most blogs entries are born out of frustration. Something ahppening…no one listening to what we have to say….etc. Maybe having nothing to say means you are happily happy? And thats a GOOD thing.
Sanity wins. Take some time for yourself, Mary. You deserve a break. We’ll be here when you get back. :-)
I’ve been having issues being inspired on my blog too, but I plug along, not every day like you do, but often enough.
I love reading your posts even when you think you don’t have anything to say. You are a blogger I can identify with and many times you help me feel not so alone.
try a 3 times/week format, and no week-ends.
write when you’re in the mood – sometimes you’ll feel like making lasagna, and sometimes you’ll feel like eating spaghetti-o-s from the can. when you make lasagna, you’ll have leftovers – none of us will say, oh that mary, she’s dishing up lasagna again. we’ll say, thank god she lost her can opener.
why the hell do you think i just post photos?????