Last year I was selected to be one of a panel of about 15 citizen columnists for the editorial page of our local paper. We were allowed to write about anything we wanted, and had three separate deadlines for our respective pieces.
My first column was about veterans. My second was about our state’s beleagured foster care system and the controversy surrounding the state appointed director of a watchdog agency, who was being disciplined for relatively minor transgressions–and the fact that the controversy was drawing attention away from the need for better care for state wards.
Both columns received pleasant reviews from people I ran into after they were published, and a few positive comments on the online forum of the newspaper.
The column I decided to submit for my final piece was an edited (for brevity) version of this piece, which I wrote specifically for the paper but ran on this blog ahead of time because I felt so strongly about it. It was, I felt, a relatively balanced piece, offering what I hoped was a moderate perspective on a divisive issue.
Well.
The polite reception that greeted my first two columns was not the case this time. In person, people were kind, but online, the discussion turned nasty. One person wrote: “Sounds like a good story about the value of birth control too. It is ridiculous for families these days to have more children than they can afford. People should have to pass an intelligence test, as well as have steady income for the past 18 months before they are allowed to have a child. If you don’t, you pay the fines. How’s that for socialism!?”
I was called a socialist liberal, naive and babbly. Hilariously, someone encouraged me to rethink my position, and commented: “Think about it, Mary. You’re still young and have time to wisen up about the world.” I guess the photo with my byline looked younger than I thought.
My husband, who had not read the blog post and had not yet read the column in the paper, did not react the way I thought he would. I presumed he would find the whole thing funny, but upon hearing that one commenter had suggested nobody would do business with a person with political ideas like mine, he became upset that my need to express my opinion publicly had not only endangered us financially, but that there was a very real possibility that I had put our little girl at risk by inviting abuse and retribution by weirdos and political extremists who would construe any support of healthcare reform and the current administration as an invitation to harm me, my family and my friends.
We started arguing about it, and both of us stood by our premise: we were both correct, we would not back down, each referred to the other as unyieldingly stubborn, and no compromise was reached. It got very heated and very unpleasant.
Funny, right? We both agreed that the current political climate is making it almost impossible for civilized and diplomatic discussion and agreement. We both agreed that extremism on either side is going to damage our society. And yet, inured to this, numbed by the very climate of dissent we live in, we blithely chose moral highground in this argument about the way we express ourselves, while completely disregarding the fact that, at its core, the argument was based upon something about which we were in complete agreement.
Does it sound familiar? I have for a long time felt that the difference between left and right is infinitessimal in most matters, and I cling to that notion. Idealistically, we are in agreement about more things than not. Unfortunately, in the matters where we disagree, the dialogue has turned into ALL CAPS, strident argument bereft of intelligent debate, and hyperbole.
A fantastic recent issue of Newsweek magazine today grabbed my attention. Ellis Cose wrote an article about how hate is drowning our politics. In the article “Drowning in Hate,” he writes that the ugly slurs and stubborn rage on both sides of the aisle is a result of our nation losing its ability to constructively communicate.
In the same issue, Alan Simpson is interviewed about his leadership role in Obama’s presidential commission to find ways to bring down the federal debt. Simpson, a well-known former Republican senator from Wyoming, spoke plainly when asked about what he thought of the current political climate: “No one forgives anyone for anything anymore.” He talked about the rise of entertainment politics: media commentators like Limbaugh who exist to cause high blood pressure. The scary thing is that so many people turn to entertainment politics as legitimate fact and don’t think for themselves, don’t research, don’t form original opinions. And out of politeness or keeping above the fray, those attacked don’t dignify their nutty statements with a response. Simpson pointed out “You’re entitled to be called a fool, idiot, bonehead, slob, screwball. But an attack unanswered is an attack believed.”
It is a very, very sad day when I can find myself being a little scared because someone made a personal remark about me online. Because I have to think to myself, what about the ones who think similar or worse thoughts who don’t comment? What will they try if they see as their moral duty the punishment or elimination of those who adhere to what they see as a socialist agenda? Do I really have anything to fear from people who complain about how healthcare reform was “rammed down our throats,” but who willingly open their gullets for the propaganda their political entertainment correspondents are funneling in?
I don’t know. But I do know this: to be afraid of stating my opinion because a fringe element has decided that anyone who disagrees with them is a threat to the country is to succumb to tyranny. Is that hyperbole? Maybe. Maybe not. But being the bigger person and not flinging trash back at them is one thing. Leaving an attack unanswered is quite another. You can call me what you want, but when you distort the truth, you have stepped over the line.
It is far past time for these attacks–on a personal and on a national level–to be answered directly and bluntly. As I said, we agree on more than we would admit. Finding the middle ground is not a difficult task. Stepping down from our self-declared moral high ground is what keeps us from getting there.
I loved your column. Our parents were not idiots to have a dozen children. Our parents were standing true to their pre-nuptual agreement based on the tenets of their faith: to have that many children. In the day, a large family was looked upon as a blessing from God, and having faith that God will provide reinforced their beliefs. Sure, there were hardships, but I believe what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. How many of us siblings have been or are in prison? None. How many of us are totally dependent on social programs to survive? None. How many of us have learned to use our talents and energy to better ourselves, becoming self-sufficient, and living by our wits as taught to us while growing up? All of us. And how many of us, if we should fall upon hard times, know how to live on a shoestring,accepting our losses, and striving to regain some momentum without blaming the government or society? All of us. We learned at our parents knees that willingness to work hard never hurt anyone.
For those people who are quick to criticize, I’m sure there are many who would be at a loss to find a way to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and better themselves without some kind of governmental hand out. Growing up in poverty CAN be the best thing to happen to someone, if they learn from it.
Mary, excellent post above. The column in question was tender, extremely well written and thought-provoking. Even people who feel differently should have opened their minds to see another perspective. But for people who aren’t used to thinking, since Rush and Co. do that for them on a daily basis, I guess you can’t provoke anything except further expressions of their ignorance. I don’t think you need to be afraid of physical retribution. Just ignorance and close-mindedness, which seem to be taking over a lot of folks’ minds recently.
Haven’t reread your article yet but just wanted to say that I know where you are coming from. I once write a response to an article in the local paper about father’s rights – something we were embroiled in at the time. A short, consenting response to a pretty nondescript article caused a huge blow up with the ex-wife AND the step-daughters, causing the elder to not come to our house for regular visitations after that. According to her I caused her to be ridiculed at school….and embarassed her at her library job. Now that she is grown up and has children of her own, I think she regrets that loss of time with us. I have never written about either of my steps – or our situation – in my blog. I could write REAMS about relationships and feelings regarding all that. Fear keeps me from doing it.
You are wonderful for standing up and writing about what is in your heart. I had a phone call last week from another blogger who wants to convince the locals to pay a little more in taxes in order to save our county services here in the area. She is afraid to speak aloud and voice her opinion at county meetings for fear of having someone throw a brick through the window of her house. Mentality-wise these brick throwing people are living in another era, an era past, which Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, The Tea Party and Fox News. Channel have brought into the 21st century.
Perhaps you could use a pen name if you fear for your daughter’s safety.
Di
Commenting online is easy, and often very thoughtless and knee-jerk. It’s easy to dehumanize the person you’re commenting to, and many many things are quickly typed and posted that wouldn’t be likely to appear in an actual letter, written and mailed. Or in person. The internet has fuelled a culture of snark and plain old meanness.
The other reality is that, in order for our society to flourish, we all do need to take care of one another. That Head Start program that you very bravely and eloquently wrote about did exactly what it was supposed to do: it gave you a head start. Programs like one are typically run on modest budgets, with incredible achievements being reached – especially in light of the relative budgets. (In Canada one of the biggest challenges with these great programs is retaining their wonderful staff – it’s hard to keep good people when they’re paid so little.)
I admire your strength and resolve, Mary. And when you’re all about the greater good, you can be confident in your position: it’s honest.
Thanks for writing Mary! I’ve had these same feelings for a long time now. The media really clouds truth over and over, not to mention fueling hate and violence. It takes time, effort and a certain amount of knowledge to research media claims and most people to not get educated.
I did a post a couple days ago on my blog about the health care bill requesting that people become educated. I don’t know how much it helps, but I have to feel like I’m doing something.
This quote from the Newsweek article by Ellis Cose “…that the ugly slurs and stubborn rage on both sides of the aisle is a result of our nation losing its ability to constructively communicate.” Is so true and it makes me very concerned about where the country I love is going.
I loved that post on Head Start on your blog—I thought it was very compelling and convincing.
It takes courage to stand up for what you believe in. And it requires nothing to anonymously refute & insult. Keep standing Mary!
I told Bix I was going to steal this line, and I might as well share it with you:
“Before you can blame an individual for their choices, you have to make sure they have the same choices as everyone else.”
Bix fanaticcook.blogspot.com/
Yes. And you do it well and in a most balanced way. I love your writing and equally love your strength to do it.
Me, I don’t tell my husband what I’m writing or where to find it. Chicken, big time.
I can never recall a time where the discourse EVERYWHERE was so black and white and potentially rabid.
I understand your discomfort, but I fear that so many good and decent voices are being intimidated to just shut the hell up.
That post was a great post, for both style and content. The negative comment you quoted contained no original thought – I’ve heard those same words for the last 25 years, since I was old enough to know what birth control is.
In the piece, you called yourself babbly (your 4 year old self, but still), and I think anyone who is not liberal thinks they’ll find it in the dictionary under “naive.” Easy for me to say, but that’s not terribly reproachful. Your first instinct that this was funny was the right response. I don’t know what to say about the rest of the post regarding the political climate. As a newly baptized Catholic / card-carrying socialist, I’m balanced right on top of the fence. I can see pretty far in every direction from up here.
Ah, Mary – your words, your beautiful words!! I love this, I love your strength, and while I understand PC’s concern, he must give you room to say what needs to be said – because you say it in a way that people will hear.
Thank you.
Remind PC that there are many people who share your views who will do business with you just because you spoke out. I’m betting that you wouldn’t want to do business with the likes of people who threaten others.
Hang in there, I know what it’s like to speak out and feel a little afraid. It’s worth it every single time!
What’s that quote?
“Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.”
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