Quiet here lately, right?
I haven’t stopped writing – not really. I certainly haven’t stopped reading. But I have taken a break from sharing, just because it’s been unbearable thinking about writing down some of the disappointments and struggles we’ve undertaken the past year or more.
Which is rich coming from someone who exhaustively documented my father’s illness and the grieving process after his death.
When finances went into the toilet for us, part of the process of getting through the tough times was to make it an interesting challenge: stretch the budget, make homemade versions of expensive things, get by on less, get back to basics.
Then, the light at the end of the tunnel: a fabulous, unbelievably good stroke of luck in the form of a tax refund in excess of $10,000 due to a calculated residual adoption tax credit, earned income credit for the fact that my sales income had been lower than expected and PC’s job starting late in 2010. We anticipated that refund for months, waiting as the IRS sent letters asking for more paperwork, more clarification.
BOOOM! A miscalculation in the adoption tax credit meant penalties, and a reduction in the refund and ultimately, a tax bill in excess of $2,700. That news in January, on top of an abysmal winter in the housing industry for me, meant that we were in serious, serious, SERIOUS financial difficulty.
I think difficult is a sweet word for “up shit creek without a paddle.”
I couldn’t write much because I was paralyzed with worry and fear. I didn’t want to write about food (my passion!) because really…..even our food was mostly depressing. With some help from family, we were able to keep our heads just above water.
In February, I started the month with a decision that regardless of the market, regardless of how last year went, I was going to turn things the hell around and have a good year. I started with something very simple: I smiled at people. I went into the office every single day, almost without fail, and I smiled. At open houses, I didn’t just smile, I said “Hi! Welcome!” to every person who walked in the door.
When I engaged people in conversation, I did something radical (for me). I asked them if they had anyone helping them with their home search and when they said no, I asked “Can I give you my card? I would love to help you.” Crazy, right? I came right out and asked for business.
I started to pick up clients. I called people I’d done business with in the past, and a couple of them sent me leads. I put on a good face and I started to pick up new clients. I closed two sales in April, which was the first income I’d had since THANKSGIVING of last year.
Things are starting to pull out of the terrifying and awful abyss we were in last year. I sold three more houses and will have closings on them over the next three weeks. I have several listings currently, and new buyer clients, and host open houses nearly every weekend in order to meet more clients.
Mostly, I’ve been working hard to stop feeling like a failure. I have been pushing those thoughts out of my head. I read last week that worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.
I don’t want to be that sad, scared and paralyzed woman who crawled through 2011 depressed and afraid to try. I will never again put my family in a position where I am skipping meals to make sure my husband and daughter have enough to eat at dinner.
Things really, really are looking up. We got a mortgage modification from our lender that will cut our house payment by $250 a month. Of course, our debt reorganization bankruptcy hearing is next week, and every penny of that $250 a month will go toward the payments to the trustee to pay back our taxes and student loan debts.
I absolutely don’t say any of these things to garner sympathy. I say these things to explain why I’ve been largely absent from here these past months. I fell into an empty place and I have crawled out of it. I think our experience can help someone else, but first we had to get through it, and we’re almost to the other side of it. There are some other obligations to still take care of, but we’re finally, FINALLY seeing hope.
I’ll try not to talk so much about groceries! I’ll not really dwell on the crap of the past several months any more, especially when so many other things have been happening, including the fact that my husband almost had a freakout at church last Sunday because the entire service was conducted by an out of town Christian PUPPET TROOP. As in, muppet-like, singing gospel-ized versions of songs like Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” and a teenager with a ventriloquist act that involved a sassy parrot who botched up the Lord’s Prayer. Be on the lookout for THAT post.
Plus, Rabbit’s third grade class has been studying embryology and we watched chicks hatch this afternoon at her school.
Oh, and next week, my childhood home is going up on the auction block. Good times.
I love you, my few but faithful readers and friends. I promise that if you stick around, I will make it worth your while. Finally. Again.
Like this:
One blogger likes this post.